It's Never Over... 'till It's Over...

 "How hurtful it can be to deny one's true self and live a life of lies... 

... just to appease others."

- June Ahern

Going after life doesn't happen on its own. Because it causes fears and doubts. Fears and doubts can cause a person to question their choices and talk themselves out of living.

When things don't work... you still tend to keep on keeping on because the "Dogma" conditions you to "stay the course"... no matter how that trail has lost its shine for you. You try to blind the change in your heart with the idea droned into your head by all around... that "Anything good takes hard work."

I'm as stubborn as any, but, I've come to consider that there may be another way. A better way. If you find that the work to get where you're telling your heart  it wants to be, is that "difficult" ... you might could want to take a long hard look at what you're doing. Could be the wrong part is out front.

Your Heart should lead you, not the other way 'round. Intellect is a fine thing... but only in support of the ambitions of the heart. Intellect not following the guidance of the heart and the soul is but an electro-chemical curiosity lacking any true purpose.

It might could be you got lost. The journey to get where you're going SHOULD be a glory in itself... not a soul draining burden. If you are being drained rather than inflated... STOP. Be honest with yourself and see what's really what.

In most cases (when you're on the right trail) you'll find that, in the end, it was the journey to where you were going that was the greater joy, not the destination.

There is an idea that once you start along a path, because so much time and effort and treasure has been invested already... you must remain on that path no matter what. A belief that if your heart changes you must ignore it because that makes you weak and indecisive and unreliable.

-Bull Feces!-

"If you always do

what you always did

you'll always get

what you always got"

                   - Pat Parelli

If your heart begins telling you that what you're getting isn't what your soul is needing... you have to move to a fresh path. Simply repeating the same failure over and over is a variety of Nuts!

Sometimes I think I'm crazy

Because I see things

Differently than 

Everyone else

                  -unknown

To go after life you must first grab fear by the throat and whisper; I won't be commanded by you today. Leave.Me.Alone. and then deliberately throw it aside.

Never

allow waiting to become a habit

Live your dreams and take risks

Life is happening now

-unknown

Let me remind you

wherever your energy is directed

That's where your energy goes

Whatever you allow in your space

You eventually become

-unknown

I've waited long and come up thirsty. I've planned things that didn't go the way I envisioned... and I've allowed fears and doubts to arrest my living.Well Ok... enough of that then.

 “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” -- Joseph Campbell

Luckily for me... I've kinda conditioned myself to become increasingly aware when that cancer of complacency begins to grow... and my native tendency is, once I've recognized that that's the case (even when that takes a goodly while) to rise in rebellion against it. To choke down my fears and shake things up even if it makes no damned sense to anyone else.

"If you ever find yourself empty of something you cannot know or name, find a stretch of ocean, a field, or mountainside, or even clouds, or trees. Because there are 1,000 simple ways to fill your tired soul so you can remember how to be, how to see, and most importantly, how to breathe."
            - Victoria Erickson

Conquer your fear. Choke it into extinction... and get to livin'.

Let 'er Buck!

Brian

When There's Nothing Exciting to Write About...

... maybe the best thing is to just stay quiet.

Get up in the mornings as the sun is crackin' the night and put the coffee on... and the heater... Stand on the heater vent while I wait on the coffee...

*Sunrise on the Mazatzals*

Some times the dawn breaks soft like you'd expect...

*A sunset at dawn...*

Other mornings it tries to confuse you. You have to look at the clock wondering if you slept right on through the day until sunset... but then you think; "Hell, I don't sleep hardly at all... so that's kinda unlikely!"

Then... with a hot cup...

I go over my storyline diagram and what notes I use so I know where ever'body's at... to get my head warmed up for the story and then start peckin' the keys... Pretty quick it catches and I'm off...

Sometimes it takes off a runnin' and I get a 3000 word day or better... sometimes it just strolls along and a thousand good words get whittled... some days... My head is off somewhere else so I don't even waste the time of trying to move the story along.

It's all gotta come when the lil' wizards say it's time I guess... So I write when the words are flowin' and just breathe when it's time for that.

It's a slow and quiet time... I believe if I was one of those woo woo "the turnips are talking to me" psycho babble sorts I'd think maybe the Tonto Basin has a "vibe" flowing around that gives me inspiration to write...

whatever, the place or just the right time... I seem to be making good progress on what I "Think" is another good story...

"The Horsemen" is coming along well... I think (knock on wood)... I am superstitious ;)... Time will tell. Barring a major jam up... I could have the main manuscript zipped up middle of December...

Put in a focused effort on editing... Publish sometime in January? That'd be a fine way to start the new year. Publish my fifth Novel and start the sixth!

Back to work now to get Ol' Jebediah out of a jam before it's time to shut off the lights.

Brian

Uh Oh... More Gadget Stuff...

In the past I've posted from my "phone"... buuut that's done by emailing the post. That's ok... but there's no ability to set up the post as I want it -or- tag it etc...

So... now I have this midget computer-in-a-pocket... Samsung Note 3... annnnnd... a growing issue with "data" on Verizon...

There's "something" going on that I can't seem to identify. I raise the data limit and reduce usage... and STILL Verizon says "more data was used"...

Now... when that happens when the damned air card is turned OFF... my shorts start getting twisted tight.

Something has got to give cuz my patience has expired! So... I finally got logged directly in here thru my phone gadget... idea is to see just how much I can really do with this... and maybe in the end DUMP that "jetpack". (cuz SOMETHING ain't right with that) ... how do you use 1.5 gigs... with the thing OFF???

Verizon has kinda screwed the pooch on this one!

In the mean time... I'm camped on Roosevelt at $3 a day... hard at work on a long list of tasks Starting with getting this next "Jeb Taylor" book completes.

While most of the rest of the country seems gripped in an early deep freeze... flowers are still bloomin' in the Arizona desert... 70 and Sunny here! :)

Well... it's kinda awkward with this lil screen... and uploading pics is a new experience :-P ... buuuut in a pinch, and if my shorts stay knotted... I think I can make it work!

We shall see...
Brian

P.S. Almost forgot... hmmm... changing auto insurance... which is a HUGE PITA hassle! Surprised huh? so... since my Oh-Pin-Yun of most All insurance is purty jaundiced... I'm goin' with a "national" "online signup" outfit... whatever... I make few if any claims... so it's mostly to meet "legal" obligations... That said... I got the truck done yesterday (in like an hour and a half of website hassles) I wonder if Obama's boys are doing insurance company websites now? hahahahaha... anyhoo... Old cost? about 110 a month... "New" cost for little real change? $36... hmmmm... seems like Verizon ain't the ONLY outfit screwin' the pooch! ... if you're buying auto insurance... and fit into the same "mentality" that I do... I'd advise snooping pretty deep... $90 a month or so savings on just one wore out old vee-hickle is a pretty good savings...

Me and The Weather... and I Don't Like Being Pushed Around...

~~~~~

A quick lil comment on the Technology post of a few days ago and then right back to today's effort... Wayne mentioned how he uses an email on his phone as sort of a "notepad" that he can keep and edit as needed... well... yeah... except that my BEST ideas seem to come when I'm rolling down the road looking through a windshield.

I can't write notes to myself when I'm shoving a rig down the road... and it seems by the time I can find a place to pull over to scribble; PFFFFFT! the idea is gone anyway! Buried up by the next idea in line flashing in my head! not to mention I'd never get anywhere if I had to stop ever'time an idea popped up...

yeah... it's often like a kaleidoscope inside this brain pan of mine... what with the flashing lights of ideas poppin' off all over the dang place!

So... in that fancy costs-to-much Samsung Galaxy gadget of mine there's a "Voice recorder" bit... so... I can roll on down the road recording whatever ideas and story lines come to me as I sit staring out the windshield while I keep on getting where I'm going at the same time!

Yeah... I think I'm kinda hopeless when it comes to gadgetry... excluding them is an enterprise unlikely to meet with much success ;)

~~~~~

 We now return you to the irregularly scheduled cowboy writer nonsense...

Yeah... so a big reason I turned to tuck back into this lil corner of Colorado for a while was because this country brings to mind, for some reason, the country I write about in my Jeb Taylor series...

It's juniper and oak brush, pines and tall mountains... and the folks around are a lot of what's left of that world. So... here I came.

*Another sunset on the peaks to the north of camp*

The first few days here I spent reading and editng the first twenty chapters or so that I had written of the next book in that series. The idea of doing that here and now was to get myself back "in" to the story...

It was after I'd gotten those written that I fell into kind of a writing funk... I don't know... when I'm surrounded by the sounds of trucks and airplanes... tractors and a soh-sigh-uh-tee that I've always had difficulty fitting into... my inspiration can have some trouble breaking out and telling a story.

So... going back up to the "front range" zoo for the summer... turned out un-conducive to fermenting the machinations of a fevered cowboy writers brain. ;)

*sunset view through the Mancos oak brush*

Basically, I think I needed to get back into country where I could fence out the majority of those distractions and focus on the work. The sweet part of that is, once I succeed in immersing into a story that fence gets taller and thicker and all those distractions lose their power and fade away.

It's as if the tale comes alive in my head. I can feel the wind on my face coming off the mountain and the rocking of the horse under me. I can hear the voices and SEE the faces in my mind... as if I was right there.

I don't have to write the story any longer. I only need copy down a description of what I see. Damn... talk about "I hear voices!" ;)

*storm clouds building*

Ha ha... I expect there's a guy with a fancy office and diplomas hangin' on the wall that could tell why that's bordering on some sort of an insanity syndrome or some such. I bet he's got just the drug to prescribe to "fix" me too... buuuuut... I do believe I'll keep that feeling I get when I'm writing... as my OWN private pharmacy! ;)

Well it worked! Fixed a "problem" in an early chapter, got my "head" back into the weird "reality" show running inside my brain and been making solid progress.

So...The only problem here, is getting to be the weather. A common problem this time of year... How long does a guy push it? See... I'm hesitant to pull out with things singin' along... buuuuut... that Canadian express that's froze up the country north and east of here is tickling this area a mite as well.

I'm sitting on the SW fringe of it I guess. While it's been down right furnace exercising chilly at night the days had been pretty fine. Now today it's broke off cloudy with some chance of rain tomorrow and Friday... but then "nice" again.

For a short they talked of snow flurries too... but now just 20% for rain again... the weather man can't make up his mind... He keeps jabbing me; "Time to get out of the mountains cowboy"... buuuut... that Jeb Taylor story keeps prodding me to stay at the keyboard and get it put down... so what's a fella to do?

Figuring to hold out here till some time Friday or maybe early Saturday to start rolling again... trouble is... I always fear getting out of sync again and having to struggle to find that looking glass again to jump into my Wonderland. ;)

We'll see what happens...

Wondering and Wandering
Brian

Living and Working in the Oak Brush... Battling Technology

I can maybe hang here for another week... though the long range weather is getting threatening...

My work has been slowly coming along as I get back into "My" rhythm... There's nothing quite like living in open and natural country to restore the soul when you've allowed yourself to be mired in the tribulations of soh-sigh-uh-tee for too long.

 I sit for long hours at the table reading and editing...

While some fresh coffee is brewing... I go out and stretch my legs then come inside and get back at it... slowly my head is getting back into that place where something inside wakes up and the stories begin to flow...

*Camp in the Oak Brush*

I've come to truly believe that being in a town, or just a place where a LOT of other people are... is for me... well... a prison that eats at my brain.

Living for that matter with a lot of technology is another task my brain has a tough time with... technology has a way of worming inside you like a virus and eating up your day... It's a thing that requires constant vigilance and attention to keep under control.

I -am- a man born out of season. Living split between two worlds can be an uncomfortable situation. Kind of like straddling a board fence for too long. Your tender parts start getting juuuuust a mite sore.

Now, I have to admit, technology is also one I've few options for, considering how important that technology is to the source of my "living". The key for me might could be something akin to culling a herd. You cut out the ones that just don't measure up... If they don't add to... they take away... so they go.

With the gadgets and such... maybe we - I - need to look hard at 'em with a cold eye. Which ones add to your day and which ones just drain your energy and give nothing back? How can I get my work done while minimizing the invasion in my life of soul eating gadgets, media and technology?

... I believe... somehow, some where... there's a balance that will fit me to be found...

*Sunset on the Peaks*

... If I just keep on hunting for that secret spot where it hides... and have the will power to turn against convention and marketing... and make the choice when I see it...

*Just before the sun breaks out at sunrise*

*Just strollin' through the oaks*

*Sunset in the pines*

*Sunrise lights up the oak brush*

Yesterday afternoon I took a stroll through the country around camp... tempting all those great white hunters to mistake me for a deer or such...

As I walked along I spotted this picture and tried a bit to capture it with my GADGET phone! ;)

I was wanting to use it for a status update on another bit of that DANGED technology... My FB writing/publishing page...

I swear... it's like heroin... or a fishhook... once it's got it's barbs dug in... that damned technology is a misery to get broke loose from!!!

anyhoo... So... I took this picture... and a short minute later... CLICK!!! an idea came busting out, conjured itself out of that photo that had me running... ok... walking fairly quickly... in as straight a line as the oak brush would allow... back to the rig so I could scribble that idea down before it slipped away in my technology/media addled brain pan.

I've been stagnated for too long with my books. Having that lil' bit of an Epiphany drop by and blow out that stagnation, producing a great and revitalizing change in the direction of my second series in the process... one that I think will also stretch my writing - was a welcome visitor to this camp.

Brian

Yeah I know... been a while...

It's an out of the box world. You can plan and wish... and it works out how it works out.

Like last winter... Heidi has decided to stay close to the store in Fort Collins and continue working it to a better condition... and me... being me... just can't tolerate a Colorado winter... so I rolled south day before yesterday, bound for my Arizona.

Had to make a stop in Denver at a suspension shop to get the springs replaced on the front axle of the rig... one had fatigued and bent a couple inches. I almost only replaced the one spring...then looking at the opposite end, and seeing the "camel hump" it was developing, thought it might be more sensible to do both... next morning I continued the migration south along I-25...

But... anybody who's read here for long knows that interstates don't tickle my whistle any...

So, on a spur of the moment sort of thing I dropped off the interstate at Walsenburg and cut southwest. I dropped anchor for the night just across the border a bit and just west of a place called Tres Piedras, New Mexico.

Just a wide spot along the road, maybe four cars passed in the early evening... and then it was as silent as any spot down on the desert... and a spot where the Verizon guy asking "can you hear me now?" ... gets no answer.

New Mexico is a lot like Arizona. Most eastern folks think it to be desert and rocks... but a goodly chunk of that northern part... and parts of the south and west are some honest to god beautiful mountain country.

I believe I admire it, along with Arizona, some degree more than the good parts of Colorado.

It's the kind of country that a man lost in the wrong damned century and culture... can breathe in.

Just now I'm boondocked in the Oak Brush just a mite east of Mancos. Another spur of the moment lead me to drop here rather than continue on down to the desert. It's still fairly warm there and can tolerate my absence for a bit more.

In the mean time I've gone back to work on the next book which remains unfinished in my laptop. This'll be a good place to brush up for a few days and get deeply back into that project. The quiet in this brush and the long view out the window should provide the necessary inspiration.

Might could be I'll take a turn through Mesa Verde for the same purpose... get the confusion of soh-sigh-uh-tee knocked off my boots and some creative juices flowing... and maybe so, recorded on the page.

Plan is, just lay up here, immersed in that work and that book... and then move on when the voices start urging.

Brian