He had written about his choices and options, self doubts and all such things that rattle around in a drifter's mind during the long lonesome times...
My comment to him was;
Some are meant to wander and question. This world demands anchors and so those of us who truly prosper in the wind are made less of.
When we listen to the demands too long we begin to believe them... yet that kernel of Truth within survives.
An Eagle only seeks a roost at night... or a short while to raise the year's brood... and then it soars and revels in its Freedom.
The whale migrates through the year, always moving. Geese follow the seasons.
Yet people, most, dig in and ... well ... that static life fits them, but not All.
Sure, a spot to rest, to repair, to meditate, until the hunger comes on again, is a good thing at times...
But... the hunger, the need for Far Views, the chest swelled big with pure air not yet breathed by a thousand others...
To ponder life... the deepest sorrows, the grandest joys... the frustration of knowing your species is inexplicably un-educable... sipping a fine beer under the stars of a camp deep in Far Country...
The True and healing Joy of a Wanderer...
Those were my words to him... and to my self.
One of my greatest failings is the old "Do as I say. Not as I do" sort of deal. I need, more often to go back and read the words I myself have written from past lessons pounded through a thick skull.
The other day one of those epiphanies stuck like a clap of thunder... it showed my the way I should go... Just where the trail lay and how to step it out. The trouble is... TIME... the Time when I can strike out along that trail is some 90 days and more into the future.
My second greatest failing is self doubt and second guessing. If I can make a choice and step off right then I'm golden... but ... If a period of time is enforced between when I make a choice and when I can actually act on that decision... Ohhhhh Lordy... why that's way too much time for an over active imagination to conjure up all sorts of goblins and dark conspiracies that blow my grand Idea into dust.
That leaves me working between now and say about the first of November to NOT let that trouble making piece of meat 'tween my ears muck up what is a pretty good fix for the fix I wandered into!
I'm not going to whine and blame my predicament on somebody else... I made the choices I made... and if I made them based on words of others my acceptance of their false word is not their fault. I believed their story... ME. The Con man may be telling a whopper... but it only works because the one that gets conned ignores the warnings... lead on by his wishing.
I've written in the past about following your heart... I believe now that I may have missed that one a little; Don't follow your heart. Your heart lives in a fantasy land... go where your soul leads you, as it whispers to your brain... Your soul knows what you need. Your heart is stupid as shit."
So... My heart paints me a pretty picture... but just now I'm working at achieving what my brain, guided by the whispers of my soul tells me is achievable in the wishing of my heart...
Achievable - If - I am willing to reach out with enough courage and energy. If I have the cajones to make the hard choices.
What's best is not easy... what's easy is not best... and what I want is Prime.
I've got maybe most of six weeks left here before I've got to roll through Colorado for to let the VA poke and prod a bit and make a showing at the wedding of a friend... then I turn north for Montana, FINALLY! Sweet Montana...to work the harvest...
Once that job is done for this year... the fun and New Adventure begins...
Like Mark said... Adventure is when you step off with no idea how it's gonna end up...
Well... just like back in 2010 when we stepped off with three weeks of dinero and something over four weeks till the next expected income... I'm looking at stepping off on the next chapter of this Journey without all the dinero to get it done...
... and most likely... making choices that most people will be saying... "What in THE hell is that brain damaged idjit thinking?!!!"
Yeah... It's gonna be a ride!
I'm glad you're coming out of the funk you've been in... Life sure sucks sometimes and I'm glad you're sounding like you again.
I don't know if we get over the suck or just put it behind us, probably a bit of both.
Do you still have your horse? If so, how is she doing?
This is John Q and I still remember our fun times in July 2009 taking your Dodge from Ouray to Telluride over Imogene Pass Your an adventurous guy Brian and all will work out with your new direction. This is my first summer since 2009 that I have not gone out West and I'm really missing the alpine hikes. Best to you Brian and keep us posted.
Correction: That was July 2010 we made that trip to Telluride.
Steve; yeah. She's on pasture in Missouri being a horse with my grandaughter's grey.
John; I tell people about that stroll over Imogene pass with the duallys hangin' in the air all the time! :)
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