Cowboy Up is when a guy is all busted and muddy. Having just got his brain pan stuffed into the sand by some sunfishin' bronc... he stands up, brushes off and gets on down the road.
Crackin' Out is a Rodeo Term... It's what you do when you climb in the rig and take off on a wide circle... Chasin' the Dream.
With my personal life in tatters... head spinning in a fog... I feel like I'm chasing cows, racing through a thunderstorm at midnight, blindfolded, straddling a blind horse, jumping gullies in the dark with my hands cuffed behind my back.
All that confusion is compounded by the only thing clear to me in this life... I am caught between two worlds.
I exist in 2015... all I ever truly wanted... was Horseback in another century. Another culture. The only one I've ever understood.
That brings a man to choices... He can say "I wish", and wait... or He can say "I will", and do.
Most of the questions a man asks in his life there's no answers for or understanding of. There's gonna be far more people ripping on his choices and character than those backing his play. He's going to be cursed as selfish and worse.
All he can do is get up of a morning and drink his coffee as the sun glows yellow just below the horizon. Then Saddle his horses and let 'er buck.
It's a slow summer... thought I had a plan. You'd think that as many plans as I've made and seen blown away like dust in the wind, I'd quit carving 'em out..
That's one benefit of bein' Cowboy; The only critter more stubborn than a cow... is a cow__boy.
And if you just leave yourself blowin' in the wind with no rudder of hope or ambition to guide you; you quit being a man and truly are just dust in the wind. No more useful to yourself or anybody else than trash caught in a whirlwind. Little different than a slave.
I started right here to detail my latest convolutions with the VA... but I'll just cut to the chase...
Made the mistake of letting them talk me into a couple "Tests"... you know... the "Lets do this just to be safe" malarky. That slick sales pitch that tips a guy over onto the slippery slope of fear.
That's what the medicos (pushed by big Pharma and the Madison Avenue boys) are really selling. The FEAR of what might kill you.
So many, a majority, spend so much time and treasure worryin' about what might blow out their light; that they Fear their Whole Lives... to even ever light the candle!
They end up dying, it's been said many times in many places... Having never truly lived
I won't live in that world of worry. One more test I got "maneuvered" into and then it's Adios fear mongers!... I'll live until I die. (and here's a News Flash; No matter how good those boys are we all end up in the same place)
And that's the real deal. Like one of my Favorites said; "It ain't dying I'm talkin' about... it's LIVIN'!!!"
Well... it's time to go and Do... even if the where-with-all for doin' is kinda puny... But Hell, it's not the first time I'll have stepped off on a journey without the financin' to see it to the end...