Saturday, September 29, 2012

The Great Battle...

 For the final Defeat of the Fanatical Plumbing Insurgency...

Water Heater Plumbing... An evil insurrection... Who knew?

I'm layin' here wet and exhausted. The fight was tooth and nail; Wrench and fittings; teflon and pipe dope; Spraying water and busted knuckles. But... with cautious optimism, I believe I've finally come out victorious!

I don't exactly remember how long ago it's been since I replaced the busted water heater and initiated the conflict... Was it June?

Ever since... I've been chasin' lil' drips that amounted to a gallon or better a day if the pump was left to run... fillin' pan after pan... grrrrrrrrr

It all started with a pair of fresh schedule 80 PVC nipples that were called for by the manufacturer when I installed the new tank. Since the tank is aluminum I couldn't use steel or copper nipples or I'd have some hellacious corrosion. Bi-polar Chemispherical conflict of the dissimilar metals or some such.

Kinda like a cowboy struttin' around in High Soh-sigh-uh-tee. Pretty much a gar-uhn-tee of a vociferous oral conflagration.

Bein' plastic I was a mite over gentle wrenching them sch 80 nipples tight. I feared crackin' 'em in two. The consequence being... of course... those first gol dang nipples connecting the water lines and their Sharkbite fittings to the tank leaked...arrrrrrgggghhhhh....

So... Drain the tank and wrap FRESH nipples with even MORE teflon tape this time...That'll do it! :)

Reinstall ~ Refill the tank ~ Pressure up the system... No Leaks! HooYa! :)

Nope. Not until I get back from town a couple of days later and... Uh Huh... drip, drip, drip... with the pump goin'; Burp! Burp! Burp! Like a pot bellied redneck slurpin' his coffee and finishing his chicken fried steak supper at Denny's. grrrrrr....

Rinse... Repeat... and...???

Thass right... DRIP DRIP DRIP!!!! 

What in the un-Holy Hell is goin' on? It's a freakin' lil' pipe joint! Not a high tech quick connect on the Space Shuttle!!!

Well... I have a conversation with an old plumber at a supply; "Why are you usin' plastic? You can't trust that crap! Use brass! You won't get ee-lek-trawl-I-sis from that!"

SO... I take two shiny brass nipples long enough so's I can get a big ol' pipe wrench on the suckers... goop 'em all up with 'bout 7 pounds of high grade pipe dope a piece... wedge that 36" pipe wrench on there good and snug... and jump off the roof!

Yes sir! Those suckers are sealed up tight! Ain't gon' Be No dang leaks this time! HooYa! and he walks away grinning...

Poor misguided fool...

Nope, no leaks.... not until ... drip... drip... drip....... BRRRRRP! ... it leaks!

EEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!

Uh Huh... one of the two fittings... after two fittings, six nipples and three resets... started leaking again... three days after it was made to stop!

Whack! Whack! Whack!... That's the sound that rubber, tent peg mallet makes when I'm smackin' the side of my head with it.

This by God is War!

I collected a welder, an acupuncturist, stainless steel chisel, four rolls of teflon tape, two tubes of pipe dope, a hammer, fresh BVD's at Wally World, six donuts, one of those mah-ha-ragi fellas, a six pack, four wrenches, a screwdriver (the vodka kind) one flashlight, one new fitting of a different type... plus my IPOD (even Custer knew you need good martial music when you're marching into battle!) along with one fat Victory See-Gar... and crawled into the fray within the fearful and shadowy confines of the plumbing compartment.

Well... that was after I went outside... Again... and opened up the drain plug to empty the tank. Of course... Though I made sure the pump was off... I forgot to release the pressure in the tank 'fore I done that...

Yup... PFFFFTHHHHPPPPPPSPLAT!!! Water under 'bout 50lbs of pressure blew ever'where as soon as that last thread on the plug let go...

Broke four old teeth gritting them so hard...

This is gonna get bloody! NOW I'M MAD! ...

Not necessarily a good thing when a 160 lb. geezer with fuzzy eyes, a twisted spine and a bad attitude is trying to wrench on plumbing through a compartment access the size of a pinhole!

How-some-ever... with the sheer western Herorics of a pussgut Biker Cowboy and the skill born of many years of experience destroying the contents of amber colored bottles in smoky dives across the west... and though my adversary put up a valiant if malevolent fight... that recalcitrant, vile and defiant plumbing demon was ultimately subdued; leaving me prostrate but serene.


The Sweetness of Plumbing Victory
Brian

8 comments:

Mike said...

Given your track record with plumbing; it might be wise to wait a few days and miles before declaring victory.

Cindy K. said...

drip, drip, drip.....have another beer and call us in the morning...LOL
No, seriously....LOL
I'm only laughing at your hilarious description of the battle....I'm guessing that Mike is right, though...:))

Judy said...

What Mike said! LOL

Sharlotte said...

OMG I am laughing so hard I am crying. Love it.

Barney (The Old Fat Man) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brian said...

Yeah Barney, I asked about that too. According to that old plumber copper and steel would be bad but brass isn't much of an issue... The pvc sure wouldn't seal... Guess I'll just have to keep an eye on things and hope he's right... Cuz the leakin' ain't gonna do the floor any good ;)

Ed said...

Barney is right about the brass and aluminum. The old plumber could be right if the connection is in an environment in which temperature and humidity are controlled.
However, I doubt that is the case with your water heater. Then again the old plumber may think your water heater will fail before the connection does which would make him right also.

Brian said...

Ed; near as I can tell, you and Barney are exactly right... Sort of ;) I looked into it and the corrosion rate all depends on the grade of metals involved, their anodic values, the weight if Jupiter at the summer solstice, the amount of actual contact, the content of your mother in law's heart and... Aw hell... If you look at a modern production car, or my motorcycle they've mixed aluminum, steel and brass all over creation... My guess is there WILL BE corrosion but at a rate that the gates of hell will slam shut behind me long before those joints fail :)