When You Buck Down You Have Two Choices...

You can lay there in the dirt... or you can get up and give 'er another go.

Sometimes... I loose a stirrup, the reins get jerked out of my hand, I lose my seat and I can feel myself tearing loose from the saddle. I scramble and claw but it's futile. I'm tossed free and tumbling through the air. There's a short time when I float along confused and not understanding. Then I hit hard; flung into the dirt to lay stunned; staring up at the sky with my chest paralyzed, unable to breathe; wondering what just happened.

I get up from the dust and rocks... with my head spinning, struggling to clear the cobwebs from my head and shake the ringing out of my ears and get my bearings. I try to restore my confidence that I can ride the bronc I picked out... but unsure. He's thrown me down... again.

What if? Maybe I'm wrong? People are watching... they're listening...

It's happened before. It'll happen again. But, it's become almost a regular pattern the last few years. At just the right time... my mouth full of dust and my spirit weak, needing a leg up... A reader or two of the blog will send me some words or a song that are exactly perfect. That speak of the self doubts I struggle with as if they could see the thoughts inside my head.

They serve to refresh the spirit and shore up my faith.

In the past couple of days I received two such gifts. They touched me in ways I cannot describe, at a moment when they could not have been more needed. My gratitude is so very deep. 

The first is an Eddie Vedder Song... which I believe I have heard before... but somehow it was forgotten...



The Lyrics to the song;

Society;

It's a mystery to me
we have a greed
with which we have agreed

You think you have to want
more than you need
until you have it all you won't be free

Society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me

When you want more than you have
you think you need
and when you think more than you want
your thoughts begin to bleed

I think I need to find a bigger place
'cos when you have more than you think
you need more space

Society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
Society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me

There's those thinking more or less less is more
but if less is more how you're keeping score?
Means for every point you make
your level drops
kinda like it's starting from the top
you can't do that...

Society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
Society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me

Society, have mercy on me
I hope you're not angry if I disagree
Society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me

The second is a reading of the words of Chris McCandless by Hal Holbrook...  Chris was the young wanderer told about in the film "Into the Wild".

    So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
   - Christopher Johnson McCandless
 

There's not a lot to say about these two pieces. Either they speak to you and you can hear what's in the words... or you don't. I don't believe they can be explained.

With a Mouthful of Dust
Brian