Friday, January 15, 2016

Living in Denial... or ... Facing Up to Reality

Yep... putting on my Walt Disney, big boy pants and living in denial, with my pretend happy face on... and ignoring reality  by "thinking positive" so those looking for mind candy aren't offended.

Had some fun the other day. Was climbing up on the truck to deal with a small issue with my flaky generator. Slipped, lost my grip, lost my balance and stepped back. Had an exciting trip to the ground... landing on my right elbow.

Not so bad. Gee! That was fun!

Of course... now my right arm doesn't work. As in the shoulder is frozen because it separated and also tore up the rotator cuff some. But, I needed a New Challenge! Right? And just in time.

Working colts with one arm is a piece of cake! I'll just think positive and pretend it's all good!

VA emergency took their xrays... now waiting on that fine Federal Medical System to schedule an MRI to determine just how involved the fun and excitement is going to be__ as in__ is surgery required? I do hope so. I SO want to lay around a hospital getting cut on while my horses stand out on the desert waiting for someone to feed them.

Well GEE... isn't THAT positive thinking?!

Let's see... it took nigh on to 18 months in 1975 when I busted that shoulder for it to get back to the "new" 100%... but now, what with 40 years of experience and all... I should be able to heal a Lot Quicker! Right?

Yeah... about that... this old cowboy is screwed. Sorry if that's not positive enough for some folks... but I am quite POSITIVE that I am Quite Screwed. Reality has a way of smacking the playtime nonsense out of your head.

And if recognizing that reality often sucks... and that if for some guys, for reasons unknown, it sucks too damned often... offends you? Tough Nuts.

This isn't about pretending life is all sweetness and light. The life I've lived through has had a lot more struggle and strife than sweetness. Sorry that offends... but it's the damned reality. No way to sugar coat it. No way to ignore or deny it... or any inclination to do that so sensitive disney purists aren't upset.

But I've kept on going... when a lot of others quit and rolled their beds. Of course, that isn't good enough for some folks. It must be done in the manner they dictate. With the phony smile that living in denial brings.

You want sweetness and light make believe? go find Hillary. I'm quite sure she'll sell you all that lying BS you want. I don't have time for that mental pablum...

... so those with the inclination for put downs... save it...

I've got the realities of this life, Running Against the Wind, to deal with... I've been defeated many times. Lost count of the times I've been knocked down... but, I've never ever been beaten.

...putting one foot in front of the other... one. more. time.

- Brian

12 comments:

Truthsayer said...

Perhaps someone will step up and care for the horses if (and while) you're laid up? I realize it probably ain't 'Cowboy' to accept help...but I feel certain there are some folks out in cyberland that are just chompin' at the bit to help a scrawny ol' buster who's run into a lick of bad luck.

Trobairitz said...

Life isn't all rainbows and sausages, there are good times and often more bad. No need to sugar coat it and pretend it isn't any different.

I am hoping for a speedy recovery for you, but I am a realist so I know that probably isn't likely. If we were closer I'd help you out with the horses, but it is a hell of a commute from Oregon.

Sondra said...


been in that same situation...back on my feet now and continuing my dreams!

Teri said...

Are there any "foster care" for horses to help you out while you have surgery and recover?

The Furry Gnome said...

Yea, we've been through some tough times the last 18 months, but survived. Hope you (and those horses) survive!

klbexplores said...

Well if that isn't just crappy! Sorry for your misfortune. I know you are hoping and planning for the worst. Sorry that it is sidelining your plans.

Larry said...

Wow that sucks........if a may make a suggestion check around on some full time rv blogs or horse groups and clubs for help. Perhaps you could turn this into an internship for horse training, and rock moving :-). Thinking outside the box may get ya somewhere. Heal quickly my friend and keep the head looking forward. Larry

Theresa in AK said...

You remind me a lot of my husband and putting one foot in front of the other, and keeping on going has taken him a long ways. He's still doing what he wants to be doing (although a bit slower than he used to) when others his age are stuck on the couch letting the boob tube suck their brains out. My prayers are with you Bryan.

Elizabeth C said...

Sorry to hear about the setback. I recently had surgery around the same region as I did when I was 16 years old. I kept remembering the length of recovery from the first one dreading it even more now that my body is much older. Medicine has come a long way and while I won't say it was easier, I think surgery now is less invasive which tends to make recovery quicker in some cases. Keep the faith that the best outcome for your situation is going to happen. All the kindness you have sown in the past will rebound to you when you need it.

Cindy Kingma said...

Glad you explained a bit more on what happened. No one has Disney faces that I know of. By the time you get this far along in life, you are stuck with reality. Hope that shoulder is not causing you too much horrible pain while you are waiting for the MRI and decision for surgery.
You certainly can bounce no matter what has come your way, so I have no doubt you will explore all possibilities for yourself and the horses that you can find.

Spotted Dog Ranch: said...

Brian, I know you'll land on your feet as you always do, but in the meantime, best wishes.

Mike OBrien said...

Prayers sent...