Sunday, February 16, 2014

Technology, The Great Convenience In Life...

... That's sorta just like strappin' your Kak onto a rabid buffalo and hollerin' LET 'ER BUCK!...

This Ol' buster is nigh on to done with allowin' tech-NO-logy to have its hooks buried so deep in his hide. I'm bone weary of the never ending acceleration of the addiction to widgets and gadgets that's infected me as pathetically as ever'body.

There was a time that the onliest thing that this boy needed was a saddle, a bareback riggin' a truck, beer and a rodeo... and a couple of horses...

Now... I got cell phones that won't stay not broke, computers that demand internet to make my living... air cards that bleed my thin wallet into givin' me eating disorders and a churning distaste for a lot of what this world thinks it can impose on a man...

... much of it inflicted just because some infected parasitic politician thinks he's got more right to decide what my liver imbibes than I do.

Any of you Poh-lite townie types have Any sort of an idea what the consequence would be for some blustering bozo, should he go stompin' into a bunk house and declare in a loud and demanding voice; ALL YOU BOYS LISTEN UP! YOU WILL DO THIS... and YOU WILL DO THAT... and YOU WILL PAY US FOR THE PRIVILEGE!  Hmmmm?

I do... do the words ear notching, hide burning, and rocky mountain Oysters mean anything to ya?

Well that's just 'bout where my mad has sizzled up to... I don't mind payin' good money for good tools... but constantly havin' to kick in more to get less has wore out it's welcome, for sure and for certain.

I take my gol' darn'ed confabulation of intenet enabled eelek-Trawnic wizardry into town to utilize the wifi... so I can dance around the Bull Feces being pedaled by the miscellaneous and sundry wireless (and integrity-LESS) companies and what should I encounter?

Uh Huh... You guessed it... That damned drunken Murphy has hired on as the Range Obstructor for the gaggle of outfits that have banded together to make up today's modern "Land and Cattle Barons".

It's kinda like the Johnson county war all over again... 'cept this time they're pushin' an' shovin' EVER'body into the herd that they plan on milkin'... not just the cowboys and folks out on the fringes... willing or not.

Because of this and that and weird eelek-tawnick wizardry that only a Mensa Hacker could untangle... I get locked out of danged near Ever'thing. Bank, Facebook, Blog dashboard, My Amazon dashboard... It's like in that movie a few years ago and somebody pushed a button and I just QUIT EXISTING!!!

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!

There I sit with somebody's kid squallin' like you hammered his foot, a fish sandwhich McDonalds starved to death bought so I can tell myself I'm a good guy and didn't "Steal" the wifi...

While the laptop locks up with ALERT! WE DON'T KNOW YOU...YOU ARE LOCKED OUT! messages from every outfit I try to log onto...

.... and when they pop up their IDENTIFY YOURSELF windows... Nada... Zip... Nuthin'... their screen sits there doin' nuthin'...

So... what's a feller to do? Wellllll... Iff'n You got a horse with a broke leg you pull out a winchester and...

Yeah... the sheriff down here thinks just 'zactly the same as ya'll do... so... now Winchesterless...

...I end up havin' to hold my right ear 'tween my left finger and thumb while hoppin' in a circle on top of a table, grunting jingle bells while waving  my right leg in the air and farting the pledge of allegiance... to get things un-cornfuzzle-ated.

... and THIS is convenience? 

You think ever'body got their shorts tangled at that American Traditional song sung in foreign tongue at the super bowl? Oh... damn... you should of heard the noise at Mickey D's!

.... sooooo... now the coffee's all gone... the fish is choked down... the internet dance is done... most of the locked out sites are unlocked... until NEXT time... and my mad is cooled out...

But... there's an old old saying...

If they fool you once it is Their fault...
If they fool you twice... it is YOUR fault...

And you know what? these lard butted turkeys have skunked me too many times... I'm kinda done takin' it quiet...

The words of an Old movie come back to me...

"I'm goin' back to who and what I was... something simple... Hard, but simple.'

Wellllll... My spleen is all sparklin' clean having been fully and totally vented... Don't I feel better!

Time is a Comin' to Poke the Badger
Brian

2 comments:

Cindy Kingma said...

hmmmmmm, did you get a virus from that wifi at McD's??? You might be better off going to a library to use theirs or even their computers for internet....and choking down anything except coffee at McD's is sure enough gonna poison your liver anyway... :D

Dennis said...

I love that mental image of you hopping in circles on the table at McD's. That was priceless!