What is it I am trying to find? RV Boondocking, Motorcycle Touring... Writing... all the many trails...
I'm frequently left wondering and amazed at how life works the way it does. I'll have a thought bouncing around in my head; a fuzzy, stumbling, following-dead-end-trails-through-the-brush-in-my-mind Idea... I find myself back tracking and taking off up a new track branching off in another direction...
... only to come wandering back down a little bit later... not having found the Holy Grail... That I Seek.
And then as I poke around looking for a clue... I find some other word whittler... struggling with the Same Idea... weirdly at the same time... and BONG! Like a drum bangin' away in my head... the idea crystallizes into perfect understanding... for a short time...
Yeah... the idea bounces off one... and strikes a note with the other (hence the ping pong) that opens up a momentary revelation of understanding...HooYa! The Grail! :) From Einstein... to one Sheltering in the protected crevice of the Box Canyon... to the fevered brain of a biker cowboy. :)
... and then, just as quickly, the trail runs back into the brush... and I'm back to being what I am coming to be comfortable accepting myself to be... a mostly insatiable, pretty much un-satisfiable and so a constantly and always... Yondering Seeker.
...Unlike Mark, I can't fit anything into a single word. :)
I constantly ask myself; "Why? Why don't you just play the game by the rules that are laid out plain? Why don't you just go with the flow? Why is it Always, against the wind? It could be so much easier... and quieter!"
Most of my life I've heard in one version or another, sometimes hidden in that sort of double speak where a person cagily chips away at your self respect, while on the surface pretending to lay on a compliment; "As smart as you are... and with your talent, you could do so much."
The unspoken being; "You have Done So Little."
In most all cases... any I can think of anyhoo... The "Done" they speak of, what they see as achievement is ALWAYS measured in gold. Somehow, I've never been able, though I've attempted to force feed myself, to become enamored with such trappings of Achievement.
The gold I seek is measured in ways that are so fragile and transient they slip away with the wind. You have to have eyes that are open to see them and a heart open to recieve.
They can be as grand and spectacular as standing on the lip of the Grand Canyon, subtle as the sight of muscles rippling under the shining hide of a running horse... or as soul shattering as seeing a bloody, filthy, exhausted soldier, weapon slung, clutching an infant to his chest, walking through the smoke... tears streaming down his face.
I seek out not only new vistas for my eyes... but answers to the question... Why?
Why is that single lone tree standing in the middle of a barren plain? Why didn't that island wash away with the rest of the stream bed? Why did one man stand while the others ran? Why do three people look at one single issue... and see it seven different ways?
I don't need to agree... only comprehend.
There's an old saying I'm sure you've heard; "You can't take it with you." Spoken in reference to folks and their things. My thought to that is that there Must Be something you can Take With You from this life.
Remember the Movie City Slickers ?... Remember Jack Palance's One Thing?
My hope is That One Thing is Wisdom, Knowledge, Understanding... the Experience of Living a Life.
Damn... that's four things ain't it?
I seek, as my gold... simple understanding.
Just a Two Wheeled Cowboy Biker... A Yondering Seeker