Thursday, February 4, 2016

I've Heard It All Before...

I've heard all the cliches and seen all the memes... keep smiling, stay positive... think positive thoughts, maintain a proper attitude, keep you chin up, it's going to get better, look on the bright side... yadda yadda yadda...

Yeah... I won't run down the litany of the past__I don't know how many years. I can only tell you this; This old buster is used up, wore out, drained dry.

Layin' out here in the desert with a bum arm, thought I'd worked around the latest slap down one more time. The wing is healing if slowly. Cancelled the MRI due to research and the feeling it's healing well enough surgery can't be justified so cut out the expensive procedure. My research shows conservative treatment has outcomes pretty much equal to surgical anyway so I'm not going through that ordeal for questionable gain.

So... all's good and and moving along... right?

Not so fast. Got in the truck two afternoons ago and quickly found out__one__more__time__

It's a bad idea to start hanging an optimistic pretend smile on your face thinking it will "catch on"... It can always get worse.

WHAM! I was right. It just got worse.

December 2013 blew the transmission. Lost 5th gear. $2500 later it had a new transmission and clutch as well. So... having been built with parts that were redesigned to eliminate the "issue" and that "Have never failed yet"...  So that's one part we don't have to fret on! it's all good right?

Nope. Fifth gear blew out__Again.

This time of course I've no bike for transport while the truck is down... on top of nada left in the bank after multiple equipment failures, huge vet bills... yadda yadda yadda... So... working out the choreography to do a repair on borrowed money from a hundred miles out into far country... Maybe by this time next week THIS will be a bad memory... assuming that choreography is worked out...

A semi-plan is also working that should see the horses leave around the middle of the month... soon as they're gone I'll hitch up a hopefully successfully repaired old truck, and drift.

My daughter has a small place in/near the Ozarks that she's prodding me to come visit while I mend.

This chapter of my journey has caved in on me. With no useful alternatives in mind I'm thinking I just may do that into the early summer at least... see if things won't stabilize a mite. Maybe a fresh road will open up to me if I shut off the imagination for a while and just let it all ride.

Beyond that I won't plan... don't have the emotional energy to watch another plan get ground into dust.

There's an old joke; The Boss only hits you with what you can stand... so... either I'm one tough old bastard... or the Boss has really misjudged what he's working with. Either way, I'd appreciate it if he tested on somebody else for a bit.

The only other option that comes to mind is karma... The idea that karma, good or bad always catches up with you. Yeah well... if that's true it's not saying anything nice about this worn down gypsy.

- Brian

5 comments:

Cindy Kingma said...

Sigh...you're right. No more yada yada yada from me. You don't believe in it and karma is real...just don't know how it fits into your getting it coming your way....I think you will feel better if you do as you plan for the upcoming summer with your daughter. Someone to enjoy and relax with, will hopefully let your mind rest easy for a while. Good travels when you leave. I think I'd enjoy (if I were you) sticking a piece of dynamite up the tailpipe of that flipping truck...

Janna and Mike said...

No platitudes from this household, you've been through so much and I don't know why! Our hearts go out to you Brian and our offer of help still stands.

The Furry Gnome said...

Well at least i can hope that nothing more bad happens for awhile. Give you a chance to catch your breath and heal a bit. I do agree that if you can avoid surgery, do so!

foleybob said...

OK while you mend up, how about another book? I have enjoyed all of them and your mind is as sharp as ever.

Brian said...

Janna and Mike; Many Thanks. Offers like that are the real Riches. I'll hang on to those for when I'm really needful. It's a good feeling knowing they're there.

Cindy; My thought was my generator gas can and a match... but without the wherewithal to replace the tired old thing... I'd be pulling the rig with my good arm... soooo... I just patch it up one more time.

Furry; Thanks... I hear a motor or a footstep these days and I flinch ;) Hoping if I keep my head down for a while I'll lose the focus of whatever is hunting...

Bob; Been workin' on that. Actually have the initial story lines of four books penciled out... trouble is my head has not been in a place that generates good words for some little while. Putting a poor story together does nobody any good, so Sloggin' through that mess tryin' to push back the clouds; The goal is to have enough light to spin a good yarn.